My Mantra

Lately, I've found myself looking at the talents and abilities of other people and I am just in awe. Sometimes I think to myself, "I'd never be able to do that!" In an effort to not get down on myself, my mantra lately has been:

"I do have talents, but just like anyone else, I have to learn what they are and use them. They might not be exactly like anyone else's, but I do have potential."

Lost the will to blog...

This may border on the over-dramatic, but it's been tough nonetheless...

Last week, my external hard drive decided to stop working (probably due to the fact that my 2-year-old knocked it off of the kitchen table). The hard drive housed ALLLLLL of my photos from the beginning of time (as my husband put it), or rather, the beginning of our marriage. It was pretty heartbreaking. Thankfully, I somehow had the inspiration to copy the majority of my original photos to Flickr the week before, starting with the photos from 2003 and making it to May 2009 before the hard drive crashed. I basically lost the majority of my photos from June 2009 to June 2010. My husband was able to salvage any edited photos from the last year, but I still lost hundreds, plus quite a few videos of my kiddos. It's just been hard thinking about all the things that happened in the last year, and having lost some of the physical evidence of what occurred.

I haven't felt like blogging because every time I think about adding photos to my posts, it reminds me of what I lost.

I guess in retrospect, I still have the most important photos, and it could have been worse - I could have lost EVERYTHING. I'm now trying to backup what I can and move on.

I'll try to get some new posts up soon!

Blessings

The other night, I was feeling a little down-in-the-dumps about my lack of hair and how bad my skin has been lately. {Just typing that out makes me feel silly.} I was thinking to myself, "If I can't be blessed with hair, couldn't I have at least been blessed with good skin?!"
And right then, I reprimanded myself.

I then told myself, "Self, how could you be so ungrateful?!"

As I began to think more and more about that, I thought about how blessed I really am.

I have legs that can run...

I have arms that can hold my boys...

I have hands that can work...

I have eyes that can watch a beautiful sunset...

I have ears that can hear my boys' sweet giggles...

I have the potential to learn...

I have the potential to do anything I want to do...

I have people that love me...

I am blessed.

Who needs good skin/hair, anyway?

Embarrassing...

So, this morning, Brett's friend, M., came over because he and Brett and another buddy were going to go mountain biking. As they were waiting for their other friend, I came into the room where everyone was and M. asked me if I had colored my hair (he hasn't seen me since I changed from the blond wig). I said "Yep, I needed a change," but my little 3-year-old piped up that I wear wigs. M. then asked "Really?" just as Brett mentioned that brown was actually my natural color. Well, I thought his "Really?" question was referring to Brady's comment about the wig, so I proceeded to explain about my "hair condition" and why I wear wigs. After my explanation, M. then said, "No, I mean, that's your natural color?" Whoops. Man, I felt sheepish. I went into full "this is the real me" mode when all he was wondering about was my real hair color.

Thank goodness they left right after that.

Thoughts on a Thursday Night

Over the past few days, I've been thinking a lot about my current situation. I have felt much like a single parent this week, what with all of the studying two tests have required of Brett. He has been MIA around the house since Saturday, and though the boys and I have missed him quite a lot, I know it is so much harder on him. I look back at a year ago, when we were in much the same situation - Brett, working long, hard hours; me, taking care of the boys on my own quite a bit - and thinking about how different my attitude has been in both situations. I have been in surprisingly good spirits as of late, whereas last year, I wallowed in self-pity more than I would care to admit.

I don't know what it is, but I am feeling very blessed right now. I know my light moods have not been a result of my own efforts. I miss my family and everything that is familiar, and usually, the prospect of not knowing when I will see either of the two sends me into some kind of depression. Oddly, I haven't had those negative feelings, or at least they haven't stuck around for any great length of time. Though I do feel a bit homesick, I have been able to look past that and keep my focus on happier things. I know that's all I can really do right now. I also know that if I were to start focusing on all the things that make me sad, it would make things even harder on Brett. Training is already hard enough on him.

Another thing I have noticed is my patience level is surprisingly high. The boys definitely test my patience day in and day out, but I have been able to keep my cool. Usually, that is quite difficult when I am already suffering from lack of help from Brett. The greater capacity of patience has definitely been a great blessing in and of itself.

Through all of this - all 3 months of it, so far - I can't help but wonder if it's somehow preparing me for things to come. Granted, we still have another 4 months left of this, but I wonder if there is some other kind of inevitable separation looming in the future. Like, a deployment, perhaps? I would hate to have to experience that, but we've heard it isn't an unheard-of occurrence at our next duty station.

I really hope I'm not being groomed for that...

Come As You Are

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I have this blog. Do I write so that other people will read it? Do I want them to read it so that they will like me? Or do I write as an outlet just for me? I think it started out as the latter, but then morphed into the other two. That's not what I want. Sure, I'd like people to read it, and sure, I'd like people to like me, but I don't want that to be my motivation. I think blogging has helped me learn more about myself and has allowed others to learn more about me as well.

With the new year upon us, I am hoping that I can make this blog more of what it was started for - my thoughts, ideas, and interests. I think I've been holding back lately because I've thought, "People don't want to read about this. I don't know if I want people seeing that. Etc, etc, etc." That's when I realized I was no longer writing for me.

So, a fair warning: You'll be seeing more posts, more photos, and a whole lot of randomness, but who knows how interesting it all will really be. :-)

Slob

I have felt like such a slob, lately. I haven't bothered with trying to keep the house as clean as I usually do. I usually have the motivation to clean everything that needs to be done within a couple of hours, but lately, I have been getting around to doing 1-2 things (i.e. the kitchen and family room), and then calling it good. All the other rooms have suffered. I do the laundry, but then it sits in laundry baskets until it either gets re-used, or I can't tell between what is clean and what is dirty. It's a vicious cycle.

Not only is my home suffering, but up until yesterday, I hadn't worn makeup in almost a week. That's very unusual for me. I usually try to look good, not just for Brett, but so that I can feel better about myself. Let me tell ya, when I'm home all day with no hair and no makeup, I start to wonder what my husband sees in me physically.

I need a boost. I think because Brett's training is so completely time-consuming, I'm a little overwhelmed with everything I have to do. I almost feel like a single parent, but without having to juggle a job amongst all my other responsibilities. It is my goal to snap out of this by the beginning of the new year. It's not going to be a New Year's resolution, per se, but a complete change of lifestyle before the new year even starts.

Wish me luck!

In Need of Jeans

Good news (especially at this time of year): I've lost a little weight.

Bad news: My pants are baggy and I need new ones.
(I know that may not be such a bad thing, but I HATE shopping for new jeans.)

I'm thinking of joining the bandwagon (finally) and getting some skinny jeans. I've been wanting these or these and was hoping for any input from some of you fashionistas out there have on any other pairs I should consider.

'Twas the day of my birthday

and I had a great one! I got to spend the day with my boys, shop at the outlets, eat some throwed rolls, and relax with my hubby. I couldn't have asked for a better day!

Need a new 'do

It's that time again. Time for me to change things up a bit. I need a new 'do and I'm thinking of going with this look:

What do you think? Should I do blond? Brunette? Light or dark? I haven't done bangs for quite a long time, but I think it would be a good change. Opinions, please!

*UPDATE*
I found a site that I could put myself in a similar 'do. This is probably what I would look like:

Miss 'em already...

It was so wonderful having my sister and her little family visiting us over the last few days. Whenever we get to be together, I remember just how much I miss being near them. They flew home yesterday evening and all day today, I haven't known what to do with myself. I'll be so happy when we won't have to live so far away from each other!

My beautiful sister, Paigey


My awesome bro-in-law, Johnny


Little Drakie


And Mr. Bubba Chubba, Pierce. "I do declare, the wind is coming from the southwest."

Four Photos

I have been tagged by fellow blogger and friend, Alice. So, I guess I am now "it!" These are the rules...

1. Choose a photo that makes me cringe like none other.

2. Choose two photos that I could stare at all day long.

3. Choose one photo that represents my dreams and aspirations.

4. Link four fellow bloggers and tell why they inspire me.

Here goes!

1 - Cringe-worthy:

I had just had my first baby boy. I was still losing the baby weight. I desperately needed a new 'do. This photo makes me shriek and cringe all at the same time! EEK! (I don't even know why I have allowed it to stay in my photo files.)


2- I love looking at these photos. They just make me happy.





3- What I aspire to be...

Healthy and in-shape.

4- Tag, you inspire me!
Kristie - because she is such a good mommy and a good friend
my cousin, Erica - because I wish I had even half of the creativity she does. Seriously! It's even her job to blog about it.
Uptown Girl - because she gets to live every day in a city that I would love to be able to even visit.
Jeni - because she is always there when anyone needs her.


There are plenty of others who inspire me, including YOU!

Thanksgiving Preparations

I'm so excited for Thanksgiving this year. My sister and her little family are coming to visit! This will be the first time in a very long time that we will be able to celebrate Thanksgiving with family. I'm going all-out this year, even though there are only eight of us, and technically, only four of us will really be eating enough to make a dent in all of the dishes I'm preparing. That's not going to stop me, though! :-) I'm doing my grocery shopping today, and then I'll be making the necessary preparations the rest of the week. This is what our menu will look like:

Turkey
Mashed Potatoes and Gravy (made with homemade turkey stock)
Homemade Rolls
My mother-in-law's stuffing (my favorite!)
Yams with Pecan Struesel
Green Bean Casserole
Raspberry Pretzel Salad
Stuffed Mushrooms
Cranberry Sauce
Relish tray
Key Lime Pie
Chocolate Cream Pie
and finally...
Pumpkin Pie

I'm lucky that Brett likes to cook as much as I do, or this meal would be too much for me to take on myself.

If anyone feels like heading somewhere warm for Thanksgiving, we have more than enough food and space for everyone! :-)

What to do, what to do...

I have done 12 posts on my family blog today regarding all of the goings-on of the move and getting to know our new town. Unfortunately, I made it a private blog. I really want to share them with all of you that read only this blog, but because they involve my kids, I am still leery of any weirdos that might happen upon the site as well. If you would like an invite, let me know. E-mail me at ambersinnermind(at)gmail(dot)com so that you don't have to announce your address to everyone.

Emotions

Emotions are a funny thing. Over the last few weeks, I have been through the entire gamut of emotions - happy, sad, frustrated, worried, elated, scared, just to name a few. Weird thing is, I have a hard time expressing those feelings. About a week ago, I was so frustrated with my current situation, I felt like I was going to burst into tears. When I was finally in a position where I could let the tears flow, they wouldn't come. Oh, how I wanted them to! I felt like I wouldn't feel better until they did. Unfortunately, they never came. I ended up going to bed, just as frustrated, and then waking up in the morning, feeling loads better.

In other situations, I'm embarrassed to say, I tear up at the slightest show of tenderness or thoughtfulness. The emotions well up every single time my son watches "Cars" and I see Lightning McQueen stop at the finish line, foregoing his chance of winning, and pushing the other older race car beyond the checkered flag. Every single time! And believe me, my son watches it about every other day. It never gets old and I can never control those emotions!

Oh, and have you seen the commercial where the UNC basketball player secretly helps the little girl find her dog? If you got a little emotional watching that, raise your hand. *raises hand, sheepishly.*

I don't know why, but I feel like I am completely out of touch with my emotions. I bottle them up and then they manifest themselves at the oddest times. Even when I am extremely happy about something, even the simplest thing will cause me to well up with tears.

My sister is always telling me I need to be better at expressing my feelings. She has this theory that by my bottling things in, it's the real reason why I lose my hair. Who knows.

Anyway...

Besides, in a house full of boys, someone has to keep their emotions from getting the best of themselves.

The eagle has landed.

I'm baaaaack! We made it safely to Florida, and after 4 days of being here, I finally have internet. I've been too exhausted to do much of anything else except sit and stare off into space. I'm not kidding. It didn't help that our welcoming gift ended up being a tropical storm, but that's another story in and of itself. I have lots to post about, but all of my posting will depend on how quickly I can put my house together. It's basically in shambles right now. Who knew I had so much stuff?! Hopefully now that I have some measure of motivation, things will be moving a long much quicker. Stay tuned for things to come!

Love,
Exhausted

My Husband

This is my husband, Brett. He likes to scare little kids on Halloween.

His costume was definitely a lot better than mine (which will not be shown for lack of a decent picture).

*Oh, and Brett really doesn't like to scare little kids, but he thought people would get a good kick out of his costume. It was definitely a huge hit with my niece and nephews!

Fail of the Day

So, I just got back from the doctor's office a little while ago. My poor boys needed flu shots and some other immunizations. As we were in the elevator leaving the office, my one-year-old was wailing and inconsolable because of the 5 shots he just received. There was another man in the elevator with us and my hubby so kindly explained how our little guy just got some shots. This guy had to be in his late 20's. No lie, this was his response:

"It's okay. I work with a bunch of women. I'm used to the noise."
=

MAJOR FAIL!!

I, being a woman myself, was standing right there! Who says that kind of stuff, especially in front of a woman?!

I wanted to say, "I bet that's the only interaction you get with women, then, huh?"

What a dork.
(Another name for the guy came to mind, but being a lady, I didn't say it. The picture up top could probably give you a good idea, though.)

A Bit Absent...

As I'm sure all three of you have noticed, I haven't been blogging much, lately. The whole process of getting the heck outta dodge has been a bit overwhelming. It just hit me tonight that I'm really leaving. I have a week and a half to finalize everything, say goodbye to the good friends we have made here in Colorado, and hope for the best as we move onward. I'm sure you're sick of hearing my "boo hooing" over this subject. On a lighter note, here are a few things I am happy about right now...

1) Brett and I got to have a few days to ourselves this weekend while my wonderful sis-in-law watched our boys. It has been a very productive weekend and we enjoyed spending time together as a couple. It will be a while before we'll get a chance to do any kind of date night again in the near future, so a "date weekend"/move preparation was just what we needed.

My main man, whom I love so much!

2) I found out last night that my sis, her hubby, and their two sweet boys are coming to see us for Thanksgiving! It's so incredibly generous of them to make the long trek from Pennsylvania to Florida to come see us. I can't tell you how excited I am!

Our soon-to-be visitors!

3) I got some new nail polishes last night. They're a bit of a weakness of mine. I love getting new colors, especially OPI colors. I let Brett pick out one for me, and I have to say, the one he chose is my new favorite. Ahhh, the simple pleasures in life, eh?

Brett's pick (that I'm wearing right now) - 'We'll Always Have Paris' Suede


My pick - 'Midnight in Moscow'

4) I'm currently eating one of my most favorite indulgences - caramel-chocolate-nut-covered apples. They are the best! And healthy! (The apple makes it healthy, right?)

I hope you're all having a splendid weekend and doing something that makes you happy!

Not in the blogging mood...

I haven't been much in the mood for blogging, lately. I haven't even been in the mood to take any pictures to do blog posts about. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I've been trying to get things figured out for the coming weeks. So far, it's very slow-going, but not through any fault of my own. Nor is it my husband's fault. The Air Force is in no hurry to help us figure out what is going on. My husband has receive three sets of orders and no one can tell him which ones are actually accurate. It is quite frustrating because our time is growing shorter and shorter and we would like to get things ready as soon as possible. With the given situation, we can't do anything until we know which set of orders are the right ones. What is even more frustrating is no matter how hard my husband tries to get answers, no one takes him seriously because of his rank. He has to have someone higher-ranking go with him whenever he tries to get any information. Brett has definitely been given the run-around and there's nothing he can do about it. The Air Force treats us well for the most part, but it's things like this that make me wish we weren't at the disposal of the military.

All in all, let's just say that if I had any hair left, I'd be pulling it out right now.

That's all.