Giving up on a Goal

At the beginning of January, I had made it a goal to complete my certification to become a Family Child Care Provider. I had gone through the training back in November, and then it was up to me to finish all of the paperwork, inspections, and what-have-you on my own. As I struggled to find the motivation to do any of it, I was realizing that I was growing more and more uneasy about the decision to do day care out of my home. I realized that the only benefit for me to doing this would be the money, and even then, it wouldn't be enough to really make it worth it.

I think I had come to this decision a while ago, but I was so nervous about telling the Child Care Office that I was no longer going to continue, not to mention the fact that I, myself, felt like a quitter. That has been my main struggle. Part of me said, "Just finish the certification. You won't look like you're a quitter, and then you can just put it behind you." Then on the other hand, I thought, "Why would I want to continue with something that I'm not going to have anything to do with in the near future? Why would I waste the time of the people that have to interview me and inspect my home?" It was a tug-of-war in my mind. I'll tell you though, finally having made the decision to discontinue the process has taken a huge load off of my shoulders. It was stressing me out quite a bit.

I just hope I haven't let anyone down in the process. I think that would make me feel worse than the thought of being a quitter.