Thoughts on a Thursday Night

Over the past few days, I've been thinking a lot about my current situation. I have felt much like a single parent this week, what with all of the studying two tests have required of Brett. He has been MIA around the house since Saturday, and though the boys and I have missed him quite a lot, I know it is so much harder on him. I look back at a year ago, when we were in much the same situation - Brett, working long, hard hours; me, taking care of the boys on my own quite a bit - and thinking about how different my attitude has been in both situations. I have been in surprisingly good spirits as of late, whereas last year, I wallowed in self-pity more than I would care to admit.

I don't know what it is, but I am feeling very blessed right now. I know my light moods have not been a result of my own efforts. I miss my family and everything that is familiar, and usually, the prospect of not knowing when I will see either of the two sends me into some kind of depression. Oddly, I haven't had those negative feelings, or at least they haven't stuck around for any great length of time. Though I do feel a bit homesick, I have been able to look past that and keep my focus on happier things. I know that's all I can really do right now. I also know that if I were to start focusing on all the things that make me sad, it would make things even harder on Brett. Training is already hard enough on him.

Another thing I have noticed is my patience level is surprisingly high. The boys definitely test my patience day in and day out, but I have been able to keep my cool. Usually, that is quite difficult when I am already suffering from lack of help from Brett. The greater capacity of patience has definitely been a great blessing in and of itself.

Through all of this - all 3 months of it, so far - I can't help but wonder if it's somehow preparing me for things to come. Granted, we still have another 4 months left of this, but I wonder if there is some other kind of inevitable separation looming in the future. Like, a deployment, perhaps? I would hate to have to experience that, but we've heard it isn't an unheard-of occurrence at our next duty station.

I really hope I'm not being groomed for that...