My Mantra

Lately, I've found myself looking at the talents and abilities of other people and I am just in awe. Sometimes I think to myself, "I'd never be able to do that!" In an effort to not get down on myself, my mantra lately has been:

"I do have talents, but just like anyone else, I have to learn what they are and use them. They might not be exactly like anyone else's, but I do have potential."

Lost the will to blog...

This may border on the over-dramatic, but it's been tough nonetheless...

Last week, my external hard drive decided to stop working (probably due to the fact that my 2-year-old knocked it off of the kitchen table). The hard drive housed ALLLLLL of my photos from the beginning of time (as my husband put it), or rather, the beginning of our marriage. It was pretty heartbreaking. Thankfully, I somehow had the inspiration to copy the majority of my original photos to Flickr the week before, starting with the photos from 2003 and making it to May 2009 before the hard drive crashed. I basically lost the majority of my photos from June 2009 to June 2010. My husband was able to salvage any edited photos from the last year, but I still lost hundreds, plus quite a few videos of my kiddos. It's just been hard thinking about all the things that happened in the last year, and having lost some of the physical evidence of what occurred.

I haven't felt like blogging because every time I think about adding photos to my posts, it reminds me of what I lost.

I guess in retrospect, I still have the most important photos, and it could have been worse - I could have lost EVERYTHING. I'm now trying to backup what I can and move on.

I'll try to get some new posts up soon!

Blessings

The other night, I was feeling a little down-in-the-dumps about my lack of hair and how bad my skin has been lately. {Just typing that out makes me feel silly.} I was thinking to myself, "If I can't be blessed with hair, couldn't I have at least been blessed with good skin?!"
And right then, I reprimanded myself.

I then told myself, "Self, how could you be so ungrateful?!"

As I began to think more and more about that, I thought about how blessed I really am.

I have legs that can run...

I have arms that can hold my boys...

I have hands that can work...

I have eyes that can watch a beautiful sunset...

I have ears that can hear my boys' sweet giggles...

I have the potential to learn...

I have the potential to do anything I want to do...

I have people that love me...

I am blessed.

Who needs good skin/hair, anyway?

Preschool?

I'm very conflicted as to what to do about Brady's Preschool situation. With all the craziness of moving and vacations and such this summer, I didn't get Brady on any waiting lists for Preschool. Now they are either too full, or too expensive, not to mention the fact that I don't have the means to get him to and from some sort of establishment during the day. I am opting to teach him at home with a program my sis-in-law is lending me, but I feel bad about him not having the social interaction an actual Preschool would provide. He's a smart cookie already, so I'm not worried about that sort of transition into Kindergarten next year, but do you think Preschool is absolutely necessary? Will he be okay? Am I a bad mom for keeping him home? I'm really struggling with this...

Home Again

I arrived back in Maryland late, late last night.

Today has been a day to regroup, replenish, and restock. After having been gone for three weeks, there wasn't much in the fridge that was still edible.

I had a wonderful time in Utah, and I can't wait to start posting about the things we did. There were restaurants, amusement parks, swimming pools, and family get-togethers. Oh, and my first-ever photo shoot. I'm still in the process of going through all of the pictures of said adventures, so as soon as I can unpack not only my suitcases, but my brain as well, I'll have lots to talk about!

See you on the flip side!

Home

Utah Valley, here I come!


{flickr}

I just booked my tickets to Utah, today.

I am so excited, I can't even tell you!

It will have been a year since the last time I set foot in my home state. For me, that's a very, very long time. It will be a much-needed vacation because Brett hasn't been able to take any real time off since October.

While we're there, we'll get to spend lots of time with our loved ones, do more "touristy" things that we've never really thought to do before, and Brett and I plan to leave the boys with family for a couple of days so that we can actually do something fun for our anniversary (August 6th).
So, to those of you in the know (Hunsaker clan), we're joining you for the Shakespearean Festival this year!

Eclipse thoughts.

I had the chance to see Eclipse today all by myself. I had never been to a movie alone until today. It was really nice! I think I'm going to have to do it more often.

These are my thoughts on the much-anticipated (for me) film:

- I really liked the movie!

- Robert Pattinson was FINALLY the Edward that I have wanted him to be. Thank goodness! I was beginning to lose hope!

- I guess in the huge budget the movie had, they still didn't have enough money to get the wolf boys some trainers. Quileute wolf-boy abs = gross.

- Jasper's hair needs help, STAT! (Why can nobody see this?!)

- While I'm on the subject of Jasper, can Jackson Rathbone not move his upper lip, or is it glued to his top teeth? I was just wondering.

- The whole "I'm Switzerland" line was just randomly thrown in there. Kinda cheesy.

- Grateful that the human, high-schooler interactions were very limited and few.

- This Victoria was much more the villain I had envisioned in the books. Ms. Howard gets an A+ in my mind.

- I can't wait for Breaking Dawn!!

What are your thoughts?

Overwhelmingly Blessed

I am so thankful right now, I can't even adequately express my feelings. God has been pouring out blessings on my family lately, and it's quite overwhelming. I know that when you have faith, turn your heart toward God, and live the way He wants you to live, He will take care of you.

These are just a few of our many answered prayers:

- Brett and I found a great place to live in Maryland and we've been able to get in contact with members of our church who have been able to help us.
- My brother-in-law was given the position in his company that he has been wanting for quite some time.
- My brother got a wonderful job for the summer that he can do right up until he leaves for Air Force Basic Training in August, which in itself was an answer to a prayer; he got the AF job he wanted, also.
- My mom and dad will be able to come out to Florida to visit and help us move.
- My dad got a wonderful, stable job as chairman of visual communications within Brigham Young University's advertising firm. It couldn't be more perfect for him!
- My move and my sister's move worked out to where my parents will get to help both of us: They'll drive with me to Maryland, and then fly from Philadelphia to Utah with my sister's two boys so that they don't have to make that huge drive cross-country.
- My mom gets to have my sister back in Utah with her. :-)

I know I could go on and on. With all these wonderful things happening, I can't help agreeing with my mom when she told me earlier today, "I'm in a constant state of being choked up!"

A House of Boys

The other night, as my husband was getting ready to watch the Utah Jazz game, I overheard him talking to his brother over the phone. He was lovingly teasing his brother by asking how he keeps his manliness in a house full of women (he has a wife and two small girls). I guess he was opting to watch "The Tooth Fairy" with his girls instead of doing the "manly" thing and watching the Jazz game.

I had to chuckle to myself because I'm in the exact opposite situation. I'm surrounded by boys! Cars, trucks, dirt, and athletic paraphernalia rule my life. Oh, and chick flicks? Forgedduh 'bout it! It's sort of funny in a way because I grew up with two sisters and only one brother, and the poor guy got dragged into playing "house" more than I'm sure he'd care to admit. (Dave, if you're reading this, I got what was coming to me, don't you worry!) :-)

I certainly love my boys, though. I couldn't imagine life being any other way!

The Silver Lining

I can now say what has been going on this week. I really only had to keep this stuff from my mom (Sorry, Mom! But now you know why...), and now that she knows, I can explain more fully...

Just to give you a little back story, we've known since November that we would be moving to Maryland as soon as my husband's training was completed here in Florida. We were super excited for several reasons, but the main one was that my sister would be a short 2-hour drive from where we'd be at in Maryland. I can't tell you all the things I had to look forward to - birthdays, holidays, little trips here and there, my boys having cousins their age to play with, having my sister closer to me than we've ever lived during my married life. It was almost too good to be true!

Well, we found out on Monday - and more officially on Wednesday - that it really WAS too good to be true. My brother-in-law's company has decided they need him back in Utah. Not only do they need him to move back, but they need him to do it soon! Like, end-of-June soon. With my husband's course being extended by two weeks, thus keeping us in Florida until the middle of June, that will only give us 2 weeks (if even that long) to get a chance to see them. Needless to say, I was heartbroken. I cried and bawled on Monday whenever I thought about it, and then when everything was finalized on Wednesday, I was a zombie. I think I had cried so much already that my body was just numb.

All week I've been trying to come to terms with it and reminding myself that it will all be okay. I have to tell myself that I really don't know what I'm missing, not having had this kind of experience before, anyway. I've also had to realize that I have a lot more to worry about right now than what "could have been." I guess I should be happy that they're moving back to where all our family and my husband's family is. That way, whenever we get to visit home, we will get to see my sister, too.

But here's where the silver lining lies...

Yesterday, as I was talking to my mom about the whole thing, we got on the subject of how Brett and I can't decide on whether we should move ourselves or not. We would make a lot more money moving ourselves, which would allow us to take a trip to Utah in the next few months, but it is such an overwhelming task that's it's hard to know if the money is worth it. Without any hinting from me, my mom volunteered to help us move if that meant that we could come home to visit. We haven't seen her since September, so we've all been missing each other pretty badly. I had been praying for an answer as to what we should do move-wise, and my mom answered my prayer right then. If she could help us, we could do it. We could move ourselves, have that extra money that we'd need, and we'd get to see her even sooner!

But it gets better!

Because my sister is moving so close to when we will be moving, my mom would fly out to Florida, drive with us to Maryland, and then help my sister by flying back with her and her two boys to Utah. I would buy my mom's ticket here and Paige would buy the return flight home. I don't think it could have worked out more perfectly.

Everybody wins!

Thoughts on a Thursday Night

Over the past few days, I've been thinking a lot about my current situation. I have felt much like a single parent this week, what with all of the studying two tests have required of Brett. He has been MIA around the house since Saturday, and though the boys and I have missed him quite a lot, I know it is so much harder on him. I look back at a year ago, when we were in much the same situation - Brett, working long, hard hours; me, taking care of the boys on my own quite a bit - and thinking about how different my attitude has been in both situations. I have been in surprisingly good spirits as of late, whereas last year, I wallowed in self-pity more than I would care to admit.

I don't know what it is, but I am feeling very blessed right now. I know my light moods have not been a result of my own efforts. I miss my family and everything that is familiar, and usually, the prospect of not knowing when I will see either of the two sends me into some kind of depression. Oddly, I haven't had those negative feelings, or at least they haven't stuck around for any great length of time. Though I do feel a bit homesick, I have been able to look past that and keep my focus on happier things. I know that's all I can really do right now. I also know that if I were to start focusing on all the things that make me sad, it would make things even harder on Brett. Training is already hard enough on him.

Another thing I have noticed is my patience level is surprisingly high. The boys definitely test my patience day in and day out, but I have been able to keep my cool. Usually, that is quite difficult when I am already suffering from lack of help from Brett. The greater capacity of patience has definitely been a great blessing in and of itself.

Through all of this - all 3 months of it, so far - I can't help but wonder if it's somehow preparing me for things to come. Granted, we still have another 4 months left of this, but I wonder if there is some other kind of inevitable separation looming in the future. Like, a deployment, perhaps? I would hate to have to experience that, but we've heard it isn't an unheard-of occurrence at our next duty station.

I really hope I'm not being groomed for that...

Relief Society Activity

Over the last couple of weeks, I've been planning a church activity for the ladies in my ward and tonight is the night it's going down. I'm new to the ward, and even newer to my calling and I'm really stressed about people enjoying themselves tonight. It's an "appreciation night" for the out-going Relief Society Presidency in my ward. We are having a pot-luck of finger foods, a game revolved around the four guests of honor, and then our new Relief Society President is going to say a few words. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Then why am I so stressed?

I am conducting the whole thing and I am very nervous about getting up in front of a room full of women I hardly know. This is the first activity put together by myself and the rest of the new Presidency, and I'm worried that if people don't think it's fun, it's going to set their opinion of us and any other activities we have in the future. Sad thing is, it really isn't my job to do these things. It's the Activities Committee and I'm just supposed to supervise. That's a whole other source of stress. Unfortunately, we don't have an Activities Committee yet, and so it fell on me to put this together.

I'm not complaining. I'm looking forward to being in this calling, really I am. I'm just a little scared and a little stressed and needed to get things off my chest a bit. My husband is sick of listening to me. :-)

Come As You Are

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I have this blog. Do I write so that other people will read it? Do I want them to read it so that they will like me? Or do I write as an outlet just for me? I think it started out as the latter, but then morphed into the other two. That's not what I want. Sure, I'd like people to read it, and sure, I'd like people to like me, but I don't want that to be my motivation. I think blogging has helped me learn more about myself and has allowed others to learn more about me as well.

With the new year upon us, I am hoping that I can make this blog more of what it was started for - my thoughts, ideas, and interests. I think I've been holding back lately because I've thought, "People don't want to read about this. I don't know if I want people seeing that. Etc, etc, etc." That's when I realized I was no longer writing for me.

So, a fair warning: You'll be seeing more posts, more photos, and a whole lot of randomness, but who knows how interesting it all will really be. :-)

Kim Peek

Kim Peek (seated) and his father Fran Peek

You've probably heard of him, but didn't even know it. Have you seen the movie "Rain Man?" Dustin Hoffman's character was based on Mr. Peek. I've held the Oscar in my own two hands that Hoffman won for that role.

Sadly, Kim Peek passed away yesterday. When I was in 5th grade, I got to meet Mr. Peek and learn about his genius. He and his dad visited my small classroom and allowed us to ask some questions. I got to be the first student to stand up, tell him my birthday, and then in less than a second, he was able to tell me what day and what year I would retire. He was incredible! I feel very fortunate to have met this amazing man.

Here is a link to learn more about him.

Slob

I have felt like such a slob, lately. I haven't bothered with trying to keep the house as clean as I usually do. I usually have the motivation to clean everything that needs to be done within a couple of hours, but lately, I have been getting around to doing 1-2 things (i.e. the kitchen and family room), and then calling it good. All the other rooms have suffered. I do the laundry, but then it sits in laundry baskets until it either gets re-used, or I can't tell between what is clean and what is dirty. It's a vicious cycle.

Not only is my home suffering, but up until yesterday, I hadn't worn makeup in almost a week. That's very unusual for me. I usually try to look good, not just for Brett, but so that I can feel better about myself. Let me tell ya, when I'm home all day with no hair and no makeup, I start to wonder what my husband sees in me physically.

I need a boost. I think because Brett's training is so completely time-consuming, I'm a little overwhelmed with everything I have to do. I almost feel like a single parent, but without having to juggle a job amongst all my other responsibilities. It is my goal to snap out of this by the beginning of the new year. It's not going to be a New Year's resolution, per se, but a complete change of lifestyle before the new year even starts.

Wish me luck!

On My Mind...

Throughout the course of a day, I have many random thoughts that go in and out of my mind. Because I am home with two small children day in and day out, these things just rattle around in my head. In light of the fact that I want to voice my craziness, these are just some things that have crossed my mind today...

- I should donate my body to science after I die. I'm sure they're always in need of cadavers.

- Why is Jim no longer the cool guy on "The Office?" He always looks worried or down-trodden; pathetic, even.

- Am I going to have to keep re-introducing myself at church once I go from being a blond back to a brunette? So far, they only know me as a blond, and they don't even know me very well.

- I like reading. I should do it more often.

- I have given up on "Heroes." It just doesn't make any sense. (As if it ever did.)

- Is it possible to learn style (decorating and/or fashion), or is it something that is just in you?

Just a glimpse into my mind today.
You're welcome.

'Twas the day of my birthday

and I had a great one! I got to spend the day with my boys, shop at the outlets, eat some throwed rolls, and relax with my hubby. I couldn't have asked for a better day!

A Bit Absent...

As I'm sure all three of you have noticed, I haven't been blogging much, lately. The whole process of getting the heck outta dodge has been a bit overwhelming. It just hit me tonight that I'm really leaving. I have a week and a half to finalize everything, say goodbye to the good friends we have made here in Colorado, and hope for the best as we move onward. I'm sure you're sick of hearing my "boo hooing" over this subject. On a lighter note, here are a few things I am happy about right now...

1) Brett and I got to have a few days to ourselves this weekend while my wonderful sis-in-law watched our boys. It has been a very productive weekend and we enjoyed spending time together as a couple. It will be a while before we'll get a chance to do any kind of date night again in the near future, so a "date weekend"/move preparation was just what we needed.

My main man, whom I love so much!

2) I found out last night that my sis, her hubby, and their two sweet boys are coming to see us for Thanksgiving! It's so incredibly generous of them to make the long trek from Pennsylvania to Florida to come see us. I can't tell you how excited I am!

Our soon-to-be visitors!

3) I got some new nail polishes last night. They're a bit of a weakness of mine. I love getting new colors, especially OPI colors. I let Brett pick out one for me, and I have to say, the one he chose is my new favorite. Ahhh, the simple pleasures in life, eh?

Brett's pick (that I'm wearing right now) - 'We'll Always Have Paris' Suede


My pick - 'Midnight in Moscow'

4) I'm currently eating one of my most favorite indulgences - caramel-chocolate-nut-covered apples. They are the best! And healthy! (The apple makes it healthy, right?)

I hope you're all having a splendid weekend and doing something that makes you happy!

Some thoughts this morning...

So, it's been two days since we found out about the whole Florida thing. We tried to get a little more information yesterday, but no one had any clue what to do next. It's the first time anyone from this base has been sent to this training Brett was chosen for. We also can't forget the fact that PCS (permanent change of station) orders usually come a full year before you're due to leave, not one month, like the situation we're in. That could throw a wrench into things. There are three things that could happen: 1) Brett is able to get his PCS orders in time and we're all able to move together; 2) Brett could get TDY orders (where it's kinda treated like a business trip) while they are putting together the PCS orders and the boys and I move as soon as those are processed; or 3) Brett is given TDY orders for the full 6 months he's at this training, I move in with the in-laws, and then we all reunite when it's time to move to the next station. No matter what happens, it's going to be stressful. We're just going to take things as they come. That's really all we can do at this point, I guess.

As far as my new project list goes, it's going to have to be put on hold. Numero uno on my list right now is gathering moving boxes and figuring out how to pack.

It's weird to think that this time last year I had just done a cross-country move, and now I'm getting ready to do it again. It's bittersweet. I'm dreading the drive and the distance that it will put me from family and friends, but I'm happy because it means we get to be together as a little family and Brett is progressing in his career.

Those are my thoughts right now, at least the ones that I can put into writing. My head is swimming with all the things that need to be done, but yet can't get done. It's the "hurry-up-and-wait" kind of thing. Hopefully we'll start getting information and direction soon, or my head might burst.