August 22, 2011

Shots, round 3

Today was my third round of cortisone shots.

I wish I could say they were getting easier, but they're not.  Today, I even tried to be prepared by taking some good pain medication beforehand and having Brett there as moral support.  The medication didn't end up working (if it had even kicked in in the first place), and though it was so nice to have Brett there, I think it made it that much harder to hold back the tears.  Last time, I had no one there to comfort me, so what was the point in crying then?

As the shots were being administered today, I tried my hardest not to concentrate on them.  I was squeezing my nails into my palms in hopes that that pain would distract me from the pain up top, but unfortunately, my nails were too stubby to even make a dent.  About halfway through, I was trying to hold back tears and managed to hold all but one tear in.  I felt defeated by letting that one tear roll down the side of my nose.  I quickly wiped it away, hoping that no more would follow.

As soon as the doctor was finished, I was struggling to keep it together.  He shook my hand, gave me a prescription for the medicine that works alongside the shots, and left the room.  The nurse gave me some gauze to help blot the injection sites in the event that they started bleeding again. I was still fighting to keep it together emotionally.  After all, I still had to go to the front desk to schedule my next round of shots in 6 weeks.  Still trying to keep it together.  Once Brett and I got out to the car, I couldn't keep it in any longer.  I burst into tears and cried for a good five minutes before I was able to compose myself.  I don't know what it was about this time, but it just hurt so badly.  Maybe part of it was the realization that I'm doing this to myself and I don't even know if it will be worth it.  (That was something the doc and I discussed before he even started today's shots.)

Luckily, there is progress, even if it's only a tiny bit. Unluckily, the shots are really my only option at this point in time, so if they stop working, I probably won't have enough hair to have made all this discomfort worth it.  I guess I will just have to suck it up and have faith that something good could come of all the pain.  Here's hoping!




I don't think I experienced much new growth (if any) in the last six weeks, but I don't think I've lost anything, either.  The doctor put me back on the Prednisone, so we'll see if that can spark some new patches to start filling in.

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